Helping the Bereaved
by Dr. Joseph Jolly
Some Practical Things to Do
If you want to really help the bereaved, there are many practical things you can do. However, you need to keep in mind that some people never ask for help because they do not want to be a burden or impose on anyone. In most cases, you might have to take the initiative to offer your help.
We can help those who are grieving through our financial gifts and donations. It costs a lot of money for people to attend a funeral especially if they live outside the community. Native people are sensitive to help those who are grieving with finances. In one Native community when I did a funeral service, the people took a collection to help the bereaved family. They passed a hat around after the service and the money that came in was used to cover some of the funeral costs. Some of the Indian Bands in the remote northern communities will charter a plane for their people to attend a funeral in another nearby reserve.
Another practical way to help those who are grieving is to be hospitable. Several years, ago, I went tot a funeral service in Weagamow Lake, Ontario, for the late Albert Tait. Albert was a well-known Indian preacher, and many people from different parts of Canada attended his funeral. What impressed me the most during the two days, I was there was the hospitality of the people. They provided free meals for all the people from outside the community who came to the funeral. This was an organized community effort and the people donated food and opened their homes to make sure that meals and accommodations were taken care of for everyone.
Native people like to share with one another because that is part of their custom. A few years ago when I was in Waskaganish, Quebec, I went to visit Pastor Johnny Whiskeychan of the Waskaganish Cree Pentecostal Church. While I was in his home, a family from his church sent over a plate of cooked wild meat for him. Evidently, this family was having a feast and they thought of Johnny because he had lost his wife not long before. Whenever my parents had an abundance of wild meat they always thought of sharing it with others, especially with those who had lost a spouse. My father would often take some fresh cooked beaver meat to an elderly Indian man who was by himself after the death of his wife.
We can also help those who are grieving by inviting them to go on a trip with us. My grandmother died in January 1997. Just a month after that we had our Annual NGM Native Christian Conference in Ottawa. My older sister, Daisy, and her husband, Jimmy, came to the Conference with a vanload of people from Waskaganish. They brought my Aunt Ena with them and some members of her family. Jimmy told me later that they invited her to come because they felt that a change of scenery would divert her mind from thinking about her late mother. This was one way they could help her though her grieving.
"In everything, do to others what you would have them to do to you for this sums up the Law and the Prophets." (Matthew 7:12 NIV)
by Dr. Joseph Jolly
Some Practical Things to Do
If you want to really help the bereaved, there are many practical things you can do. However, you need to keep in mind that some people never ask for help because they do not want to be a burden or impose on anyone. In most cases, you might have to take the initiative to offer your help.
We can help those who are grieving through our financial gifts and donations. It costs a lot of money for people to attend a funeral especially if they live outside the community. Native people are sensitive to help those who are grieving with finances. In one Native community when I did a funeral service, the people took a collection to help the bereaved family. They passed a hat around after the service and the money that came in was used to cover some of the funeral costs. Some of the Indian Bands in the remote northern communities will charter a plane for their people to attend a funeral in another nearby reserve.
Another practical way to help those who are grieving is to be hospitable. Several years, ago, I went tot a funeral service in Weagamow Lake, Ontario, for the late Albert Tait. Albert was a well-known Indian preacher, and many people from different parts of Canada attended his funeral. What impressed me the most during the two days, I was there was the hospitality of the people. They provided free meals for all the people from outside the community who came to the funeral. This was an organized community effort and the people donated food and opened their homes to make sure that meals and accommodations were taken care of for everyone.
Native people like to share with one another because that is part of their custom. A few years ago when I was in Waskaganish, Quebec, I went to visit Pastor Johnny Whiskeychan of the Waskaganish Cree Pentecostal Church. While I was in his home, a family from his church sent over a plate of cooked wild meat for him. Evidently, this family was having a feast and they thought of Johnny because he had lost his wife not long before. Whenever my parents had an abundance of wild meat they always thought of sharing it with others, especially with those who had lost a spouse. My father would often take some fresh cooked beaver meat to an elderly Indian man who was by himself after the death of his wife.
We can also help those who are grieving by inviting them to go on a trip with us. My grandmother died in January 1997. Just a month after that we had our Annual NGM Native Christian Conference in Ottawa. My older sister, Daisy, and her husband, Jimmy, came to the Conference with a vanload of people from Waskaganish. They brought my Aunt Ena with them and some members of her family. Jimmy told me later that they invited her to come because they felt that a change of scenery would divert her mind from thinking about her late mother. This was one way they could help her though her grieving.
"In everything, do to others what you would have them to do to you for this sums up the Law and the Prophets." (Matthew 7:12 NIV)
Ten Commandments for Comforters
- Go to those who are bereaved as soon as possible even if it is inconvenient for you.
- Be swift to hear, slow to speak, and slow to react to words and feelings that may appear "un-Christian."
- Do not try to explain everything.
- Share the promises of God.
- Avoid saying, "I know just how you feel." Nobody will believe you, and the statement accomplishes nothing.
- Words often fail us, so express yourself through a loving hug, a handshake, even a simple touch. Just being there is a ministry.
- Do not be afraid to "weep with those who weep."
- Remember that grieving is a difficult process that takes time. Be patient with those who mourn and try not to say, "Aren’t you over it yet?"
- Visit regularly during the weeks after the funeral.
- Keep confidence. Don’t turn the experience into a sermon illustration, unless the family gives you permission.
This is an excerpt from the book "Going and Growing Through Grief" by Dr. Joseph Jolly. His book is available from the Mocreebec Council of the Cree Nation Health Program, P.O. Box 4, Moose Factory, Ontario, Canada, P0L 1W0. The cost is $12.00.
Dr. Jolly is General Director of Native Gospel Ministries of Canada. He also conducts Grief Support Seminars.
